It’s been a little over 100 days since I started the Serenity Project and I saw I owed it to myself and those around me to take a long, honest look at its effect.
Having torn myself away from my lavender-scented pillow and taken a few deep breaths, here’s what I found:
- I’m actually less serene than when I started. I’m sleeping badly, eating more and exercising less. My marriage feels wobbly and my day job abounds with self-imposed anxiety. Frankly, I’m a serenity fraud.
- Although I never claimed to have all the serenity answers, the truth is that my approach of 26 two-week topics, with progress documented here, isn’t working for me. It seems that trying to be serene, while writing about being serene, while juggling the rest of life’s little challenges, is wrecking the very thing I’m seeking.
- I remain convinced that others are struggling with their own serenity journey, and while I’ve made a handful of wonderful connections here, I don’t believe my voice adds fresh insight to the subject. There are, after all, 2.6 billion results for “stress” on Google.
- Despondent doesn’t begin to describe how I feel going on the record with this, but as of today I’m giving myself permission to quit. A shout-out is due here to my two biggest blog supporters (you know who you are) and my husband, who warned me last autumn that launching a third novel and a serenity project at the same time was, as we Brits like to say, frankly bonkers.
This isn’t the end of my Serenity Project but I’m taking it back into stealth mode, working on my habits and mindset quietly and at a flexible pace. You shouldn’t expect regular updates here. I’m also taking a break from Twitter and Facebook, as I’m no longer convinced they add to my wellbeing. If you want to get in touch, please leave a comment here or email instead.
For what it’s worth, some of the topics truly did make a difference to how I felt and I warmly encourage you to experiment for yourself, if you would like a smidgen more serenity in your life. My favourite techniques were Treasure Your Twilight and Joy Every Day. I’ll be revisiting and reviving these for myself. In time, I may post further topic ideas here, as there is so much more I’d like to explore in this field. And I reserve the right to make pretty images occasionally…
For now, though, I need a bit of self-reflection and serene silence. I wish you well and hope you also find the path to glide more and flap less.
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